Oh, the 8x01 thinkie thoughts!

[gateslacker]

The beginning quote from Dean pretty much defines Dean, doesn't it? But, not Sam. Doesn't that just say it all? But I've got lots more to say today.

It's pretty obvious from the get go that a very different Dean has emerged from purgatory. I love how JA manages to convey that so wonderfully! I love how we can have the boys facing such similar scenarios year to year but, somehow, emerge changed. I love how the characters do not just reset season to season and I think thats quite a feat after seven seasons. And the actors do such a great job in demonstrating this in both obvious and subtle ways. The Dean that emerged from hell is completely different than then Dean that emerged from purgatory.

Benny. A brother in arms. Wait, what?

Sam. What? Leaving in the dead of night? And who is watching him? How did Dean find him? I was confused by this sequence the first watch and must admit that I didn't understand it much better on the second watch.

Hee! they've added borax to the holy water. Love!!

Oh, Sam, you and your hair are a lovely sight to behold. *please hold while I hit the pause button*

Focus, Glenda!

Loved the reunion, at least before they made my heart bleed for them once again. They grow and they change from season to season but the family default has always been to keep very important secrets. It has been ingrained since childhood.

Cas! I'm with Sam, what exactly does that mean?

And here it comes. The part of this relationship that always, always cuts me to the core. It slays me because I can be irritated with Dean for being so self righteous and obtuse. When is he ever going to see that Sam has never wanted the life? That while Dean really took to being a hunter, Sam never really wanted that life AT ALL. When is he ever going to understand that Sam was as devastated by his loss as he, himself, was at Cold Oak? How can he not see that Sam had lost EVERYONE when Dean and Cas disappeared and he had no way of knowing where they went? Why is it so hard for him to see things from Sam's perspective?

And, Sam, did you seriously not even make a token effort to find your brother? Seriously, dude? And you threw Kevin under a bus? WTH? I can feel for Dean because it really must seem to him that Sam finds their relationship to be optional and out of sight is truly out of mind. He came back from Hell to find Sam having sexy times with Ruby. He comes back from purgatory to find that Sam couldn't even be bothered to make an attempt to find him. And I'm hoping that there is more to this than meets the eye because even I can hardly bear it, myself, that Sam didn't bother. And, I really, really hope that they do as good a job with Sam's year without Dean as they do with Dean's year in purgatory. I always felt that they could have done a better job with this in season 4 because, really, by the time they got around to showing how it was for Sam during that time after Dean's deal came due, it was definitely too little and almost too late. What Dean saw is what the audience saw. Even though I always understand where Sam was coming from with the demon blood and Ruby, my heart was pained all the same in that Oh, Sam sort of way. ( And I can never understand why there are some that never saw Sam's motivations and intentions for what they were. Hello? Mystery Spot, anyone? Did you even watch this episode?)

And it just kills me. Because I can see it from each perspective and I want to make it right. I want to MAKE. IT. RIGHT.

Speaking of season 4, there's this bit of me that thinks that maybe Sam, in his logically twisted way, was really trying not to repeat the mistakes he made in the past by acting in a completely different way. Oh, and he was probably pretty gutted, too. There's that. I mean, everyone that he has ever lovedwas now dead and/or gone. Not to mention his time with Lucifer and Hallucifer. It's not a shock to think that he's just done. (And watching the reunion scene again where Dean confronts him, I am struck by how WEARY Sam seems. And resigned. I didn't catch that the first go round...maybe because I was all WTH, Sammy. And that makes me believe, even more, that Sam was and maybe still is, just tired of it all but resigned that he will never, ever be free)

And no wonder he had such an air of quiet devastation and desperation about the dog. The look on his face! It was like the dog just summed up his sad, tragic life and, truthfully, I shudder to think what would have happened to Sam if the dog had died; that maybe he would have been bullet to the head, done.

Oops, I'm ahead of myself but since I am, I rather liked the flashbacks. There was a strange juxtaposition between Dean's vivid, brutal, fighting for your life flashbacks of purgatory and Sam's muted, understated, real world memories which are, on the surface, rather mundane by comparison. At first I was like, huh?? but this episode wouldn't leave me alone after it was over and I couldnt stop thinking about it.

Because, really, for all of their surface differences aren't these moments really about the same thing? Aren't they both about struggling to survive? Dean trying to find his way in purgatory and Sam struggling to find his way without Dean. Don't these scenes involve pivotal, life changing choices?

Which reminds me, Benny, a vampire brother in arms. Wait, WHAT!?!

And, good grief, I'm only 12 minutes into the rewatch and I have no more time for thinkie thoughts tonight. Granted, I did skip ahead a bit but still. I'll have to continue this another time.

I can't remember when I've had so much to say about a show that it had to be continued.

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