Bipolar

Nov. 5th, 2010 07:13 pm
gateslacker: (merlinwhatthe.....)
 I have been uber productive today...this whole week really. I finished my part of the post-graduation project involving me and another student earlier in the week that was due today. I purchased my proctored exam, the HESI, that is supposed to tell me how much I suck before I take the national certification exam (whenever I finally decide which one to take...my fellow classmate said she is going to increase her odds by taking both even if means getting a second job at Starbucks to pay for them both). I uploaded another batch of clinical logs and I finished my last reflection assignment. Seeing all those uploaded files in the dropbox makes me all sorts of happy.

I had to be on top of things because I work all weekend. I let my overactive guilt complex talk me into signing up for another day: Sunday. By that evening I will have worked almost 60 hours this week. (20 of which I don't get paid for...LOL)

My house is indeed a wreck but at least I am aware of it.

I glanced in the mirror today and realized that I'm a wreck, too. I've just been in denial. I'm going to need some serious work when all is said and done as I am completely disgusting. Of course, those crazy monthly hormones have a tendency to change one's vision of one's self. Or show you the awful truth. I'm not sure which?

They also make you moody. In this post I cycled from happy to filled with self disgust all in the span of a few sentences. Perhaps if I keep talking (typing) I'll hit the upswing again.

Maybe I'll just go look at hot fandom photos instead. Like this one.






Ahhhhh, I feel better already!!!




gateslacker: (merlinlookingup)
 So, my superpower was gaining control over me today. I would rather take a beating than work on my paper so I knew that desperate times called for desperate measures. I know that, in the absence of a motivational speaker,  the only thing to get me going would be to put on some Linkin Park. (It always makes me work, whether it be housecleaning or homework. I think I even type faster in its presence!) 

And it is working. I am almost done with the sections that are due Monday. However, it has also managed to reawaken my desire to do some Merlin vidding. But I can't! One, I promised myself that I would obtain and learn a new vid-editing program before I ever made any more vids. (It's time to move on from Movie Maker) and, two, I cannot undertake such a project till after December 17th!!!

Is this even remotely interesting? )
gateslacker: (merlinfacepalmB&W (sorta))
 As I impatiently wait for my Merlin alternate viewing method to "complete" I figured I'd post to pass the time. I really look forward to Saturdays because, even though it is alternately work day or spend hours and hours on assignments day, it is also new Merlin day which makes it a pretty good day that cancels out all that other stuff. Today, I had to work so I just rolled in the door about 5 min ago. Of course, spoiled as I am by my own TV, I will have to wait longer because I must burn to DVD before watching.

Today it is harder to wait because I am seeing the squee all over my flist and I am just dying to read all the reaction posts.

Ah, the anticipation.

Anyway. so I am doing my big, big, final paper (the one I have the bazillion articles for) on vitamin D deficiency.  All of my reading has basically convinced me that everyone should be taking vitamin D supplementation and I even started taking taking 2000 I.U. a day myself just this  week, as well as forcing it on my gamer son. I mean, with the exception of summer where we hit the pool every chance we get but where we (well me mostly) slather on the sunscreen, anyway, he sees the sun even less than I do.

Truthfully, I had been feeling really tired for months and months and months.. forever really and even during the summer when I am usually my most energetic and active. Finally, it was about time to check my thyroid function again, so I saw my PCP last week. (Yes, I'm one of those nurses who avoids going to the doctor until I absolutely have to, either adopting a perpetual wait and see approach or saving it all up till the next time I have to go have my blood drawn. I freely admit even I would hate to see me coming....especially if I had saved up a bunch of non-specific, vague symptoms that don't really tell a provider a dad gum thing)  I didn't really think my thyroid issue was my problem even though it can be from time to time when my dosage needs adjusting.

So, we did more than just the usual yearly CBC, CMP and TSH. This time she decided to check my vitamin D level and in a case of art imitating life (and vice versa) my level was 13ng/mL!!  Heck, less than 10ng/mL is considered a severe deficiency and normal, though there seems to be a bit of debate on what should be considered optimal, is 25-80ng/mL.  It was actually quite a surprise that it was that low since summer pool time hasn't been over that long. Imagine what it would have been come winter. And, oh yeah, I'm also anemic, though that isn't a real shocker.

All in all, it certainly explains my feeling of having to slog through every day, forcing myself to do all that I need to do. But, I thought it was all so terribly ironic and I had to share. My piddly 2000 I.U. isn't going to cut it though. We're going for the big loading dose guns of 50,000 I.U. twice a week for a bit!

Oh, and now my DVD is encoding. It won't be too long now!
gateslacker: (merlincheekbones)
I have pulled about a bazillion articles from CINAHL and now comes the fun part. Reading them all while working on my topical outline. Ugh.
I think I am going to head to the library after clinical tomorrow to work on that. Goodness knows I will get distracted by online goodies or the total dump that is my house if I try to manage it at home. Hopefully, I can finish the thing on Saturday so I am not doing the last minute thing on Sunday. The outline is due Monday but that is a work day, so.....

Today, after clinical, I had to pick Brandon up at the high school. He was chatty rather than sullen and as we were driving through the neighborhood, he started talking about some of the larger houses in our neighborhood. (He thinks BIg House = Rich People). I said that there were some really nice houses but that, really, our house was nice enough and just the right size for just the two of us. I told him that probably wouldn't be the case if I had a husband and/or more than one kid but then with more than one income, a bigger house would be more affordable. (I am always trying to impart some concept of money to this completely clueless kid!)

Then he says, in all seriousness, that if I did remarry he wouldn't want that person to actually live with us.

I. FELL. OUT.

I'm surprised I didn't run off the road.

Laughing hysterically, I asked him where he thought the person should live? And then I told him that, if this was his preferred arrangement, we still wouldn't need a larger house. Isn't it a scary thought that he will technically be an adult in a few years? Oh, dear.

But we always have the BEST car conversations.
gateslacker: (merlinsmile2TOUPpt1)


My first two days at clinical have been pretty fun! I have been able to see and do some new things as well as work on the mystery that is derm. (Really, there are just so many skin conditions that all look the same and they NEVER look like the pictures in the book. NEVER). Plus, I have really been my game for the most part. GO me!!

I have come home each day and been able to read an article or textbook entry regarding stuff I've seen. However, even clinicals are work, sometimes more so due to all the new learning and critical thinking going on. By the time I get home and work out dinner details and any dire household tasks that have to be completed in order to prevent total anarchy on the home front, I'm just to tired to work on my big, big paper or the discussion postings that equal a paper. (Heck, last night I was asleep by 8:30!) Really, my zeal for contributing to any discussion is hampered when every single entry requires three references in APA format. It really puts the kabbosh on spontaneous discussion and it is time consuming as all get out. It makes me tired just looking at it.

But I don't want to spend every single day off glued to the books and computer for 8-12 hours..or more, either. Truthfully, twenty clinical hours a week added to 24 hours of work a week doesn't really leave too many "open" days but I may be able to take a day out of the work rotation once bi-weekly. (At least as long as I can afford to do so).

In true me fashion, I feel unnecessary guilt about these after clinical days where I am completely unable to get any real work done in the evening even though I have managed this way for quite a while

Anyway, the only thing I have been watching has been Merlin and the various related video/trailers. Yes, I'm resorting to alternate viewing methods. 3:01 was made up of AWESOME and I eagerly await the next installment!!  I haven't posted any discussion due to time constraints as well as wanting to wait for the end of the two-parter and being able to get my squee out via friends journals...LOL  Plus, those non obsessed folks on my f-list won't be watching till sometime in 2011. That is forever from now.

It has been a long time since I changed my mood theme and, even then, I had a nice list of step by step instructions linked by someone else. It has long since disappeared. Does anyone know how to upload a new theme or have any instructions out there. I have a zip file saved to my computer but I don't remember what to do with it from this point.


gateslacker: (vomitization)


I really wanted to do a quick Dragon*Con highlight post but my mood was waylaid by idiots. (And I still need to upload my relatively few pics) Seriously, they're everywhere. (The idiots, not the pics)

The fine folks who take care of contracts and paperwork and what have you for my Master's program have their collective heads firmly lodged in their collective rectal vaults. Actually, I think it may be all down to one person who, by the way, did not return my call today. I submitted all of the paperwork on my end during the first week of class and, hello, I just used this site last semester. (ding!ding!ding!). Here I am, though, still awaiting the go ahead to begin my practicum. Seriously, I have to fit in 240 hours over the next thirteen....twelve weeks and I was already going to have to, somehow, "find" another 8 hours in my schedule. *thwacks them*. I mean, really, I can't submit the paperwork till class actually starts though I had it already completed. This is what these people supposedly do for a living. You'd think they would have their ducks in a row.

I suppose that will give me some time tomorrow to study and start working on the multitude of papers. Maybe a bright side though I am way too lazy to consider that a boon at the moment. (Work is work, after all!)

At least work (the paying kind) was relatively decent today. I got to work with my fave doc in the ED and we were steady rather than slammed. I didn't want to walk into a train wreck right off vacation! Seriously, though, 12 hour shifts are beginning to get really loooooong.

Yesterday, I did manage to get Brandon clothed for the next few months and you will be pleased to know that he won't be wearing shorts and flip flops in December. I also did a frivolous thing by buying a Blu-ray player. (I think the price was really decent) I have been wanting one for ages and ages but I could have at least waited a few weeks past the fun and  frivolity of D*C. My early Christmas present to me, perhaps? It's pretty cool in that it has built-in wireless and I can watch Netflix, you tube, etc on it. I'm pretty cool in that I (finally)  figured out how to tie it all in to my other DVD receiver/surround sound in a way that allows me to have everything going through the surround sound. (Cue epic music!). Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by all of the cables behind my TV!



 


gateslacker: (merlinsmile)

I made it home from Dragon*Con about 8pm last night. I had a blast and went off the beaten track this year. For one, I completely resisted any and all  temptation to obtain guest pics or autographs! (Gasp) I also attended more fan run panels than I did guest centered ones. Plus, there was dancing! I hope to post a few photographs but there won't be many because my memory card went belly up. It was a 4GB card but it crapped out after very few photos. I never considered that possibility so I didn't bring another with me.

It was great to hang out with old friends and meet new ones (waves excitedly to Merlin peeps!) and I'd like to post a report but, alas, I have to run errands, obtain groceries, and do a bit of school shopping for Brandon because he didn't have to go to school today and once I really get into the hectic clinical/work/school schedule later this week, I won't really have another chance for a looooong while. Can you see him wearing shorts well into December? (Plus, he's blown out his flip flops. It may be time for new shoes, no?).
gateslacker: (daniel Iamrelaxed)


Well, I have reached that overwhelming time of year again. Can I just go back to last week? It happens every semester when I get my first glimpse of that infernal calendar and then become totally distraught regarding the amount of WORK ahead of me. I need to visit with my preceptor and hammer out a schedule which shouldn't be too difficult as I will simply just need to be there whenever I am not at work. It isn't the clinical hours that really bother me, even if my schedule is horrific. No, it's the academic work that goes along with it. Actually, it's the amount of academic work in light of my horrific schedule that is the real issue.

People keep telling me, "It's the last semester" in that buck up and suck it up tone and, yes, I realize this and I should be ecstatic except that I am just too tired to get excited. Seriously, I have worked less this summer than in my entire working life (except that summer I took off after I graduated nursing school where I did not work AT ALL) and I still feel beat. Exercise gives me a couple of energetic hours or I will have an occasional day where I actually feel like the vital, functioning member of society I am supposed to be (and not just doing my usual job of faking it) but they feel few and far between.

Who knows? There are about a gazillion causes of fatigue, including my already defunct thyroid gland, and I am not going to have the time (or the money) to do an indepth exploration with my PCP. Perhaps after I crawl over the finish line at the end of this semester? Sleep is always an issue. Stupid, restless, aching legs!

Ah well, anyway. Dragon*con! I don't have time for you but that never stops me. I'll just regret you next week after it is over and I am in a panic. I'm sad that David Hewlett had to cancel, though. Still, I can't wait to get my geek on with my friends!

I am only now packing and going through that what to wear, what to wear frenzy. Comfort is an issue as you are running for miles and miles between the different hotels in the Atlanta heat but wearing comfy, slobby clothing isn't a real option until that day comes when I really just don't care anymore. Sometimes (and weirdly) I find T-shirts hot, especially when the collar comes right up to your neck. Now, how are all my fannish T-shirts made? See previous sentence.

I am excited that Merlin returns in September (with series three) except it won't be returning to a TV near me. No, I'll have to wait till sometime in 2011 unless I uncover a *cough* alternate viewing scheme. I don't want to be spoiled but I don't think I have the strength (patience) to avoid the spoilery otherwise. Actually, there are a lot of returns in September. My DVR is going to have quite the workout keeping up with everything for me. I bet I need to see whether it needs some clearing out.

Since I am currently Merlin-less (well, except for fanfiction) I have been watching Legend of the Seeker as a sort of alternate/epic show replacement. The story is engaging enough even if I don't think the acting is quite as good. The fight scenes are probably better, though. Maybe it is because there are more of them?

OK, going to get back to packing, now.
gateslacker: (merlinarthurwhitebck)

It's Movie Tuesday so what are we going to see today?  Brandon wants to see The Last Airbender as he used to watch the cartoon all the time. I know nothing about it. Could it actually be a situation where he is one up on me on the geek level? Nah. Not posible. Still, I have read some crap reviews.  I don't always let reviews steer me away from movies because I've liked LOADS of movies that critics have panned. But, there seems to be a consensus on this one. Still, the fault finding shouldn't be much of an issue with me as I know nothing about this series.

The review course is going well. I am impressed as I fully expected to be bored to tears while listening to and from work but she is a really good teacher. Her analogies stick with me.  I really loved her analogy of the bone marrow as the body's air traffic controller. Thus far, I have been relieved at how much I do know and how many answers I get right. However, I haven't got to those areas where I feel I am weak. *cough* musculoskeletal *gag* skin. I hope I'm not being lured into a false sense of confidence and security.

My favorite ER doc who is leaving in September (boo) would like me to come work for him as his nurse whereby I could transition to the NP role when his practice is built up. In many ways that would be an ideal situation because I could learn and transition gradually instead of feeling thrown into it. It wouldn't take long for his practice to grow because he is smart, knows what the heck he is doing, and patients love him. He's the one who helped me see that altering my stride when I am walking for exercise would help with the lateral ankle/nerve pain that always plagues me and slows me down. I did what he said and he was right! It felt awkward at first but it has helped immensely. I would LOVE to join him as we get along well and he is always teaching and challenging me when we get to work together. Alas, the practice is in Mayfield, KY and I still  have to meet the requirements of the scholarship I took. I told him I may be on his doorstep one day and he better not be all, "Glenda who?".

I was really excited to hear about this news about Comic Con. I have never wanted to be there more! And don't I wish it was Dragon*Con instead!
gateslacker: (Merlin)

Rain and reality )Of course, some may wonder how I have found time for my second topic...fantasy, namely The SHOWS! I can only say that as I have become older, I have been unable to study after 8pm. Seriously, nothing puts me out faster than reading a textbook after 8! So, I spent that time with my favorite forms of escape. And with regard to my beloved fantasy forms, it really has been all about poignancy and heartbreak.

Fantasy (somewhat spoily for Fringe/SGU/Merlin )SGU and now Merlin raise an issue I have been internally debating. The casts for these shows are, for the most part, twenty somethings. As a woman in her 40's, at what point does fannish devotion to younger characters, even if they aren't teenagers, become sort of pervy and pathetic? (Assuming that previous or existing fannish devotions weren't already pathetic...LOL)  As we grow older, it is only going to get worse, I think. Any thoughts?

Bah, Humbug

May. 1st, 2009 12:32 pm
gateslacker: (almostannoyed)


For better or worse, I have completed my final for this miserable class. Usually, you see at least a preliminary grade but she must have changed something on the last two tests where you do not see a grade right after taking the test. Gah! I have calculated what I need to make an A and even a preliminary grade would have given me some sort of relief, either good or bad. Part of me just does not care but part of me will always care no matter how ridiculous it all is in the grand scheme of things.

It is nice to be off this weekend, though, even though I agreed to watch Brianna while Frannie and Mike went out on a date. Must be nice to go out on a date. It really is no wonder that all my fortune cookies and horoscopes talk about work since that is pretty much it. It's really too bad that I'm not the type of person who lives for their career and to work.

I joined Facebook because my son decided to join. I really don't think I am going to enjoy it as much as LJ but we'll see.

It's still raining and might do so the whole weekend. I think I will start that Twilight book I purchased. I doubt I'll have much chance for reading with Bri here but she'll be going home tomorrow. I've been wanting to take her to the park but that seems to be out of the question.

gateslacker: (spinning)
Alas, summer is beginning to wind down for us as Brandon goes back to school today and starts for real next Wednesday. I have already been trying to plan those last trips to the pool. I did do a bit of school shopping yesterday but I usually don’t go crazy as it is still hot and Brandon has plenty of summer clothes to start out in. (Because, duh, it’s still summer and will be hot till October anyway.) He didn’t find any shoes he liked as he is picky but knows that I will not spend a fortune on them and that certainly narrows the selection…LOL

I am up in the air about my own schooling. I had decided that I was going to take some time to replenish my savings account and wasn’t going to register this year. Then, one of the docs intimated that they might be able to “get me a scholarship” which probably means, “give me some money and then I will work for them when I am done” which looks really good to me. However, I haven’t heard any more about it so we will see. But, I am only taking classes this semester if someone gives me some money…LOL!

I am pretty much done with renovations at the moment though, once you get started it is hard to quit. You keep seeing something else that you want to do. At least any further home improvement won’t involve any major construction. The home office has been completely moved and the spare bedroom is now just that, a spare bedroom. It even has a full size bed to accommodate more guests! (Hint, hint to folks on my F-list that a visit is always welcome!) Brandon’s room has been painted and is now traffic light green which actually looks better than it sounds, really. He has some rather retro shape appliqués on his wall as well. There were three of us trying to do the math to make sure the pattern worked when I finally said the heck with it and started with corners and center and eyeballed the rest. I have a pretty good eye for that sort of thing. However, I really did do some specific measurements when I hung a headboard on the wall in the spare bedroom because, one, it was too heavy to eyeball and, two, I knew I wasn’t going to get a do over….at least without doing some damage to the wall. I am quite proud of the headboard find as it cost me $10 at a flea market with the bed rails thrown in. I also got a good deal on a really nice end table (real wood!) that I sanded and repainted a wonderful yellow to add some color to the somewhat dark spare bedroom.

I am looking forward to Continuum though I haven’t received it yet (because I am cheap and go for super saver shipping). It was all I could do not to just buy it at Wal-Mart yesterday. Speaking of which, there was a whole separate Stargate display with Continuum at the top and all the seasons below. That is a far cry from the days when you couldn’t find Gate at Wal-Mart! I am having a hard time steering clear of response posts. I was going to try and hold off watching since I am planning a get together next week at my house with [profile] de23, a friend of hers who also likes Gate, and, hopefully, [profile] dm_lunsford, if she can find the time. If it doesn’t arrive by the end of this week, I might be able to hold out since I work Mon, Tues, and Wed and there will be no time to indulge. If it arrives by the end of this week there is no way I’ll be able to be so strong. I have been discussing Atlantis over at [profile] athosian_fieldsand, with the exception of The Seed, it has been really good, I think. I have seen a few bad reviews about Broken Ties and, honestly, I am flummoxed by them since I really thought Broken Ties was an example of Gate done Great. It just reinforces that everyone has different tastes, I suppose. I am super impressed with how they have handled Woolsey. Watching him has been a treat and all the more so because I didn’t expect to like him at all on Atlantis. As for shows, though, Doctor Who is the bomb, yo!!!! I see where it doesn’t get spectacular numbers, at least to my untrained eye, and that is something I cannot figure out. I CANNOT wait to watch tonight!

It’s off to the pool today. (Only a few more pool days left! This is the time of year I wish I had my own pool, complete with deep end and diving board…LOL) Since it is so very extremely hot, my new tactic is to swim some and then go walking which helps me stay a little cooler. I am still almost completely dry by the end of it, though. 
gateslacker: (beautyandthejohn)
Have I mentioned that I am enjoying Farscape even more the second time around. I finally took a break from paper writing about 10pm last night to watch a few eps, "Won't get fooled again" and "The Locket". Two great episodes. Seeing all the characters in such different ways was great fun but I never caught one of the best lines from Zhann the first time around, "I'll wear a Freudian slip" ROFL! The Locket just made me cry with all its poignant John/Aeryn goodness.

The new schedule hours were approved though I won't be starting it till the next schedule...4 more weekends from now. I am glad though I'd hoped to start sooner. This weekend is yucky because of dayight saving time. There is nothing worse than seeing 2am twice in one shift!

This concept analysis paper is complex and pulling together information from 20 plus articles is tedious. Good thing my instructor offered to give anyone who needed it more time. Her assignments may be many and over the top time consuming but she is certainly reasonable and understands that most of us have full time jobs and families. I don't know if her class is what I should generally expect or not so next semester I'm only taking one class. (not to mention, cheaper) I should have remembered from nursing school that any schooling pertaining to nursing is unusually "busy" when compared to other programs of study. At least that has been my experience.
gateslacker: (oogling)

It seems that I am getting that oh so familiar inkling to go back to school. I have tried to squash the idea but it keeps rearing it's ugly head most likely due to my snoozer of a job. I am really more the hands on type but can I really see myself running up and down the hallways for twelve hour shifts when I am 60??? Gah! Advancing your education wouldn't be so bad if it didn't cost a fortune! I am debt free in regards to student loans and I would  prefer to keep it that way. Initially, the program would be online but, from the looks of it, that costs even more. I guess they figure that people who choose online courses are people who are working (have to work!) and they can pay the extra cost. I have in interest in the FNP program but the Nursing Education one might be an option as well. I also have to wonder whether I have the self discipline to adhere to an online course. Why does everything have to be so hard???

In a completely unrelated note (sortof) my son had me ROFL the other day. We were walking and a neighborhood dog was tagging along. Well, said dog is a he and every 2 seconds the dog was "marking his territory." My son says, "that dog has a bladder control problem." Totally had me in stitches....You can sure tell he is the son of a nurse!

As for the reading progress, it seems that I have stalled. After finishing the first two books of  the His Dark Materials series, the story has begun to be a wee bit of a downer. Perhaps it is because I think I know where it is going even though I am probably way off base. I am also having a bit of "vidder's block" as I have had no new ideas in what seems forever. Bummer. My progress through Highlander and Babylon 5 has stalled as well. Disinterest and discontent seems to be the mood flavors of the moment.

April 2016

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